What happens to your confidence when every room you enter makes you feel like you don’t belong?
When the teacher never calls on you despite your raised hand. When classmates form study groups but somehow forget to include you. When your ideas at work meetings are ignored until someone else repeats them. When your accent becomes the focus instead of your words. When you’re told—directly or through a thousand subtle cues—that people like you don’t belong in certain spaces.
For many Bahujans and others from marginalized communities, this isn’t just an occasional experience—it’s a persistent reality that shapes how we see ourselves. Years of exclusion, discrimination, and setbacks don’t just create external barriers; they build walls within us. They plant seeds of doubt that grow into forests of uncertainty about our own worth and capabilities.
But here’s the truth: confidence can be rebuilt. Self-worth can return. Your voice can rise again.
This journey isn’t about pretending discrimination doesn’t exist or that systemic barriers aren’t real. It’s about reclaiming your right to believe in yourself despite those realities. It’s about finding ways to nurture your confidence even as you continue to navigate unfair systems.
Let’s talk about how.
Understanding How Confidence Gets Broken
Before we can rebuild something, we need to understand how it was damaged in the first place. For many of us, confidence wasn’t lost in a single moment—it was eroded through countless experiences over years:
The Constant Message of “Not Good Enough”
From an early age, many Bahujan children receive messages that they are somehow less capable, less intelligent, or less deserving than their upper-caste peers. These messages come from textbooks that erase our histories, teachers who hold lower expectations for us, and a society that celebrates certain backgrounds while dismissing others.
Sandeep, a first-generation college graduate from a rural background, shared: “In my engineering college, professors would often make comments about my Hindi-medium education. One actually told me I should consider a different career path because ‘people like me’ rarely succeed in this field. After hearing this enough times, I started to believe it.”
Judgment About Your Background
The way you speak, the clothes you wear, the food you bring for lunch, the festivals you celebrate, the neighborhood you come from—all of these become reasons for others to make assumptions about your capabilities and potential.
“I changed my accent, changed my clothes, tried to hide where I came from,” says Meena, now a successful software engineer. “I thought if I could just appear more like them, they would accept me. But the cost was feeling like I was always performing, never being my authentic self.”
Failures Without Support Systems
When upper-caste or privileged students fail, they often have safety nets—parents who can hire tutors, relatives who can offer career guidance, social connections that lead to second chances. For many Bahujans, especially first-generation learners, failure can feel devastating because the support systems that others take for granted simply don’t exist.
“When I failed my first semester exams, my roommate’s parents hired a private tutor. My parents, who were already working extra shifts to pay my fees, couldn’t afford that. I had to figure it out alone, and that loneliness was almost worse than the academic struggle,” recalls Sunil, who now mentors younger students from similar backgrounds.
Internalized Shame
After years of being treated as less-than, many of us internalize these messages. We begin to expect rejection before it happens. We hesitate to raise our hands, speak in meetings, or apply for opportunities because we’ve been conditioned to believe these spaces aren’t meant for us.
This internalized shame becomes a voice in our heads that questions our right to succeed, to be happy, to take up space in the world. It whispers that any success is just luck, any achievement is an exception, and any failure confirms what we’ve always feared—that we don’t belong.
Isolation in Educational and Professional Spaces
Being the “only one” in a classroom, college program, or workplace creates a special kind of pressure. When you’re the only marginalized student in your medical college class or the only first-generation graduate in your office, you carry not just your own hopes but the perceived responsibility of representing your entire community.
“Every mistake I made felt magnified,” says Amit, who was one of three Bahujan students in her law program. “I felt like I couldn’t just be a student having a bad day—my failures would somehow ‘prove’ that people like me didn’t deserve to be there in the first place.”
The Path to Rebuilding Confidence
Now that we understand how confidence gets broken, let’s talk about how to rebuild it. This isn’t about quick fixes or empty affirmations—it’s about a sustained practice of reclaiming your sense of worth and capability.
1. Acknowledge the Truth of Your Experience
Healing begins with honesty. The discrimination you’ve faced is real. The barriers you’ve encountered are real. The pain you’ve felt is real. Denying these truths doesn’t make them go away—it just pushes them deeper inside where they continue to cause harm.
Give yourself permission to name what has happened to you. “I was excluded because of my caste.” “I was mocked for my accent.” “I was denied opportunities that others received.” Naming these experiences doesn’t make you a victim—it makes you honest about the context in which you’ve been trying to build your life.
This acknowledgment isn’t about dwelling in pain or resentment. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. It’s about recognizing that your struggles aren’t just personal failings but often the result of systemic inequalities.
As Dr. B.R. Ambedkar said, “I measure the progress of a community by the degree of progress which women have achieved.” Similarly, we can measure our personal healing by how honestly we can look at our own experiences without minimizing them.
2. Reframe Your Story
Once you’ve acknowledged the truth of your experiences, you can begin to reframe your story—not to deny what happened, but to recognize the strength it took to survive it.
You are not broken. You are not deficient. You have navigated challenges that many others never have to face. The fact that you’re still here, still trying, still reaching for something better—that’s not weakness. That’s extraordinary resilience.
Try this exercise: Write down three setbacks you’ve experienced. Now, for each one, write what strength or skill you developed because of that challenge. Maybe you became more persistent, more resourceful, more empathetic to others’ struggles. These qualities aren’t consolation prizes—they’re valuable assets that will serve you throughout your life.
Lakshmi, who grew up helping her mother clean houses before becoming a teacher herself, shares: “I used to be ashamed of my background. Now I see that watching my mother’s dignity and work ethic taught me more about strength than any textbook could. The resilience I learned from her is what got me through college when everyone else had given up on me.”
3. Start With Small Wins
Confidence isn’t built through grand gestures or overnight transformations. It’s built through small, consistent wins that gradually prove to yourself that you are capable.
Choose one small goal that you can accomplish within a week. Maybe it’s reading ten pages of a book each day, learning five new English words, completing an online lesson, or simply speaking up once during a class or meeting. When you achieve this goal, acknowledge it. Don’t brush it off as “nothing” or “not enough.” Each small win is evidence that you can set a goal and reach it.
Kartik, who struggled with severe anxiety after years of classroom humiliation, started by setting a goal to ask just one question in class each week. “The first time, my voice shook so badly I could barely get the words out. But I did it. The next week was a little easier. Six months later, I was volunteering to present group projects. The small steps made the impossible become possible.”
4. Learn One Thing Well
In a world that often makes us feel incompetent, developing true competence in one area—any area—can be transformative. Choose something that interests you and commit to learning it deeply.
It doesn’t have to be academic or professional. It could be cooking, photography, coding, writing, gardening, or any skill that engages you. The point isn’t what you choose, but the experience of moving from novice to competent to skilled in something that matters to you.
“I started learning Python through free online courses,” says Amit, who grew up without consistent electricity, let alone a computer. “At first, it was just to distract myself from feeling like a failure after dropping out of college. But as I got better, something changed in me. Seeing my code work, fixing problems, building small projects—it showed me I could learn and create. That feeling spread to other parts of my life.”
5. Surround Yourself With Supportive People
We all need mirrors that reflect back our potential, not just our limitations. Find people who believe in you—especially when you struggle to believe in yourself.
This might be a friend who celebrates your small victories, a teacher who pushes you because they see your capability, a mentor from your community who has walked a similar path, or even an online group of people with shared experiences and goals.
If supportive people seem hard to find, start by being that person for someone else. Offer encouragement to a younger student from your background. Share resources with peers who are struggling. Sometimes, building others up helps us remember our own value.
Deepa found her community through a WhatsApp group of first-generation women professionals: “Before finding this group, I thought I was the only one struggling with impostor syndrome, with family who didn’t understand my career, with colleagues who made me feel like an outsider. Knowing I’m not alone hasn’t solved everything, but it’s made the journey less lonely.”
6. Use Tools Available to You
We live in an age of unprecedented access to information and learning tools. While systemic barriers remain very real, there are resources available now that previous generations could only dream of.
YouTube tutorials can teach everything from academic subjects to professional skills. Free or low-cost apps can help you learn languages, coding, or creative skills. Public libraries (physical and digital) offer books and courses. AI tools can help with writing, learning, and problem-solving.
These resources aren’t perfect substitutes for the educational privileges others might have, but they can help narrow the gap. More importantly, they put some control back in your hands—you don’t have to wait for someone to deem you worthy of knowledge or skills.
Ravi, who now works at a multinational company, credits much of his professional development to online resources: “My family couldn’t afford coaching classes, but I found free UPSC preparation materials online. I studied at night after working all day. It wasn’t easy, but those resources meant I wasn’t completely shut out of opportunities just because I couldn’t pay for them.”
7. Build a Habit of Reflection
In a world that constantly tells you who you are and what you’re worth, developing your own inner voice becomes an act of resistance. Regular reflection—through journaling, meditation, or simply quiet thinking time—helps you distinguish between external messages and your own truth.
Try spending just five minutes each evening writing down one thing you did well that day, one challenge you faced, and one thing you’re looking forward to tomorrow. Over time, this simple practice helps you recognize your own growth and resilience.
“I started keeping a journal after a particularly difficult period of depression,” shares Anita, who faced severe discrimination during her medical training. “At first, I could barely think of anything positive to write. But forcing myself to find one good thing each day slowly changed how I saw myself. I began to notice my own strength in a way others’ praise never accomplished.”
8. Read Empowering Books and Stories
Stories have power. When we read about others who have faced similar challenges and found ways to overcome them, we begin to see new possibilities for ourselves.
Seek out books, articles, and memoirs by people from backgrounds similar to yours who have navigated exclusion and setbacks. Their journeys won’t be identical to yours, but they can offer both practical strategies and the emotional reassurance that you are not alone.
From Dr. Ambedkar’s writings to contemporary memoirs by first-generation professionals, these narratives provide both inspiration and practical blueprints for moving forward.
Mahesh, who grew up in a small village and now teaches at a university, keeps a collection of biographies: “Reading about people who came from nothing and built meaningful lives reminds me that my background doesn’t determine my future. These stories are like fuel when my own confidence is running low.”
Protecting Your Mental Health While Rebuilding
Rebuilding confidence isn’t just about adding positive practices—it’s also about protecting yourself from further damage. Here are some strategies to safeguard your mental health during this process:
Set Boundaries
You have the right to limit your exposure to people and environments that consistently undermine your worth. This doesn’t mean avoiding all challenging situations, but it does mean being intentional about where you invest your energy.
If certain relatives always criticize your choices, you can limit time with them. If social media leaves you feeling inadequate, you can curate your feed or take breaks. If certain spaces consistently make you feel unwelcome, you can seek alternatives when possible.
Recognize and Challenge Cognitive Distortions
Years of discrimination can create thought patterns that continue the damage even when external discrimination isn’t present. Learning to recognize these distortions is crucial for rebuilding confidence.
Common distortions include:
- All-or-nothing thinking: “If I make one mistake, it proves I don’t belong here.”
- Overgeneralization: “I failed this test, so I’ll never succeed academically.”
- Catastrophizing: “If I speak up and say something wrong, everyone will remember it forever.”
- Mind reading: “Everyone in this room is thinking I don’t deserve to be here.”
When you catch yourself in these thought patterns, gently challenge them. Ask: “Is this thought based on evidence or on fear? What would I tell a friend who had this thought? Is there another way to interpret this situation?”
Practice Self-Compassion
The harshest voice you hear may be your own. After years of external criticism, many of us develop an inner critic that continues the work of tearing us down even when no one else is doing so.
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a good friend. When you make a mistake, instead of harsh self-criticism (“I’m so stupid, I always mess up”), try a compassionate response (“This is difficult, and I’m still learning. Making mistakes is part of growth”).
Research shows that self-compassion actually leads to greater personal accountability and growth than self-criticism does. It gives us the emotional safety to acknowledge mistakes and learn from them, rather than being crushed by them.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q1: I’ve failed too many times—how can I try again without fear?
Failure doesn’t define you—it means you tried. Every attempt teaches you something, even if it’s just what doesn’t work. Redefine success: it’s not just winning, but showing up despite fear.
Break your goal into smaller steps so it feels less overwhelming. If you’ve failed a competitive exam multiple times, maybe your next step is focusing deeply on one subject or trying a new study method.
Even the most successful people have faced failure—we just don’t hear about it. What sets them apart is not avoiding failure, but continuing anyway.
Q2: People keep doubting me—how can I stop letting that affect me?
First, recognize that others’ doubts often say more about their biases than your abilities. Their limited vision of what’s possible for someone of your background reflects their limitations, not yours.
Second, be selective about whose opinions you value. Not everyone deserves equal weight in your life. The feedback of a mentor who believes in your potential while pushing you to improve is worth more than the opinions of those who have never seen your full capability.
Finally, build an evidence file of your capabilities. Keep a record of your accomplishments, positive feedback, and moments of perseverance. Review this regularly, especially when others’ doubts begin to seep into your self-perception.
Q3: What if I don’t know what I’m good at?
Many of us, especially those who’ve received little encouragement, struggle to identify our strengths. Start by exploring widely. Try different activities, subjects, and skills without the pressure of immediate mastery. Pay attention to what engages you—what makes time pass quickly, what problems you enjoy solving, what topics you find yourself drawn to learn more about.
Ask trusted friends what they see as your strengths. Sometimes others can recognize our natural abilities more clearly than we can ourselves.
Remember that most skills are developed, not innate. You may not be “naturally” good at something initially, but with consistent practice and interest, you can develop significant capability over time.
Q4: I feel like I’m too old or too behind—is it too late?
No. It’s never too late to begin again. Life doesn’t run on a single standardized timeline, despite what society might suggest. Many people rebuild their lives, change careers, or pursue education at 30, 40, 60, or beyond.
In fact, your life experience—including the challenges you’ve faced—gives you perspectives and strengths that younger people may not have. Your maturity, resilience, and clarity about what matters to you are significant advantages.
Instead of focusing on being “behind,” focus on the next step forward. You don’t need to catch up with some imaginary schedule; you just need to begin moving in the direction that matters to you.
Q5: Where do I begin if I have no resources?
Start with what you have—like a phone with internet, a library, free online classes, or just your curiosity. Many successful people began with very little but made the most of what they had.
Look for local groups that offer support, mentorship, or free resources. Try finding scholarships or low-cost learning options. You can also trade skills—maybe help someone with what you know and learn something in return.
Having fewer resources doesn’t mean you can’t succeed. It just means you’ll need more creativity, patience, and smart planning—and those are powerful strengths.
The Ongoing Journey of Confidence
Rebuilding confidence isn’t a one-time goal—it’s a lifelong practice, a growing relationship with yourself. There will be setbacks when doubts return or challenges shake your self-belief, but these aren’t failures. They’re chances to use the tools you’re learning: truth, compassion, support, and reframing your story.
Each time you face a challenge and keep going, your resilience grows. Slowly, the voice that says “I can try again” becomes stronger than the one that says “I’m not enough.” Your present strength begins to outweigh past exclusion.
This journey isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about reclaiming your right to dream, grow, and take up space. As Dr. Ambedkar said, “Cultivation of mind should be the ultimate aim of human existence.” Rebuilding your confidence in a world that tried to break it is an act of deep self-cultivation—and quiet revolution.
A Final Word of Empowerment
You were never meant to be small—you were just forced into small spaces. Your journey is valid. You are allowed to take up space, to grow, to rise. Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about believing you matter, even when the world tells you otherwise.
The doubt you feel wasn’t born in you—it was planted there by experiences of exclusion and discrimination. Which means it can be uprooted. It can be replaced with something stronger, something truer: the knowledge of your inherent worth and capability.
Step by step, day by day, you can rebuild. Not just your confidence, but your future. And in doing so, you create a path for others to follow—a testament to what’s possible even when the odds seem stacked against you.
Your voice matters. Your dreams matter. Your confidence—even as it’s being rebuilt—matters. And the world needs what only you, with your unique experiences and perspectives, can offer.
Begin today. Begin small. Begin exactly where you are. The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Take that step.
